Shifting Perception: The Lens Through Which We See

“We do not see things as they are; we see them as we are.”

It’s a quiet truth that explains a lot. Two people can go through the same moment and walk away with completely different feelings. One stays steady, the other unravels. Not because the facts were different, but because their internal lens—the way they’ve come to understand the world—filtered the moment in very different ways.

We don’t respond to events alone. We respond to what they mean to us. To the story we’ve attached. To the memories they stir.

Take a common example: someone cancels plans. For one person, it’s no big deal. For another, it hits a nerve. It feels like rejection. Maybe even abandonment. The difference isn’t the action—it’s what it evokes. And often, what it evokes isn’t about the present at all. It’s about something much older.

We all carry these patterns. The way we interpret the world is shaped by experience, memory, and the emotional frameworks we’ve developed over time. Many of these run quietly in the background. They’re not always obvious, but they influence everything.

Therapy is one of the few places where we get to slow down and actually look at that lens. Not to judge it, but to understand it. When you sit in a room with someone trained to notice those patterns, you start to hear the story behind the reaction.

It might sound simple, but it can be deeply powerful. Instead of spiralling after someone pulls away, you can start to ask, “What is this bringing up for me?” You realise the feeling might be familiar. That it doesn’t belong entirely to now. With practice, you can start to respond differently. You don’t immediately assume rejection. You don’t immediately turn inward or lash out. You pause. You reflect.

This isn’t about denying your emotions. It’s about giving yourself more choice in how you meet them. That choice begins when you learn to see the difference between what’s happening and what you’ve come to expect from it.

In therapy, this is a steady process. You begin to recognise the moments where your interpretation might be shaped by an old belief. You notice the pull of old wounds and start to separate them from the present. That space, between stimulus and response, is where change becomes possible.

The goal isn’t to be detached or unaffected. The goal is to understand. To bring a little more awareness to the moments that pull you under. To choose how you respond, instead of being swept up in something that doesn’t feel like a choice at all.

This takes time. And it helps to have support while doing it. A therapist can walk with you as you untangle those automatic stories, gently asking questions that help shift the lens just enough to let in more clarity.

Eventually, something that once felt like a threat might just feel like a moment. The story softens. The reaction loosens its grip.

You can’t control every situation. But you can work with how you see it. And sometimes, seeing it differently is what allows you to move through it with a little more steadiness, a little more ease.